What is Marriage Encounter?

An opportunity to rediscover the reasons you made a life-long commitment to each other
A chance to deepen your commitment to each other and learn how to demonstrate your love more clearly
An atmosphere that leaves everyday life behind so you can focus only on your spouse…It’s a very private experience
A secluded setting in which to rekindle the flames of romance that probably have cooled a bit since that “I do”
A source of hope for your relationship after you have hit some hard rocks
A blessing to every married couple who wants more for their marriage
A valuable gift for every married couple, whether married a few years, or many

Some history:

Marriage Encounter starts with a weekend experience for couples. Lutheran Marriage Encounter is affiliated with Worldwide Marriage Encounter, which has been in existence for over 30 years. Father Gabriel Calvo and several lay couples in Spain in the 1950’s developed the program and brought it to the USA in 1968. The first
Lutheran Marriage Encounter Weekend was held in Cheney, WA in 1975. Well over 2 million couples have gone on a Weekend and enriched their relationships beyond expectations.

An offering of hope:
In recent years society has seen the lowering of standards and commitments of the marriage relationship. Published statistics about divorce rates are not encouraging. Most couples sense that the romance of earlier years diminishes over time, and in many cases loneliness, despair, or simple dissatisfaction colors the marriage. Many of these couples have “good” marriages, yet in even these good relationships husbands and wives experience most of the same distresses of “problem” marriages.

What is a Marriage Encounter Weekend?
What is the purpose of a Weekend?
Whether your marriage is good, bad, or ugly! a Marriage Encounter Weekend is designed to provide you the atmosphere in which you can focus on each other and why you made a commitment to each other. Based on the modeling of four presenting couples, you will find tools to practice right there during the Weekend, enabling you to deepen and expand your communication skills. The presenters share sound, practical, down-to-earth experiences in marital communications, and tell their story of hope and growth. You can discover the intimacy you have missed for years, or perhaps never developed to its potential in your marriage. You will realize that you are not alone, that others experience similar feelings, needs, challenges, and problems, and that they also share similar hopes, dreams, and goals for their marriage.

What is the usual schedule of a Weekend?
Every Lutheran Marriage Encounter gets started by 8 p.m., so you will be asked to arrive no later than 7:30 pm. In fact, many couples arrive earlier to have a private dinner together and relax after a (usually) hectic week. The presentations last until at around 10 pm each day and begin right after breakfast – so no one pretends this is a “relaxing” experience. Meals are taken together as a group. The Weekend culminates in a wonderful worship time (with surprises) and ends around 5 pm. Some sponsoring communities host a potluck dinner or reception immediately afterwards.

What is the cost?
A $45 registration fee holds your place on any Lutheran Weekend. ILME is a registered non-profit organization, so on Sunday afternoon of the Weekend, attendees are invited to make a contribution to cover the expense of continuing to provide such an experience for future couples.

What if we are not Lutheran?
You are more than welcome, but there are a variety of expressions of Marriage Encounter. Until the 1970’s, all Marriage Encounter Weekends were Roman Catholic, although couples of all faiths were welcomed. Now there are many Protestant expressions as well, the largest being International Lutheran Marriage Encounter.

Others include:
Baptist
Episcopal
Mennonite
Methodist
Presbyterian
Seventh Day Adventist
United Church of Canada
United Church of Christ

Just find the one that suits your schedule or area, and go as soon as you can!

Where are Lutheran Marriage Encounter Weekends held?

You can find out exactly where the Weekends are held and when, by checking the worldwide web. The Lutheran Marriage Encounter Web Site gives this information by state, and answers many other questions as well. If you wish to find Weekends of other expressions, start with the Worldwide Marriage Encounter web site.

For the Lutheran Expression, you can also contact a toll free number, 1-800-235-1010.

Where can I find out more about LME?
Both the Lutheran Marriage Encounter web site and the Worldwide Marriage Encounter web site have further information and even testimonies by couples who have attended and been blessed by their experience. So what have you got to lose? Why risk NOT blessing your relationship with this unique experience that has already enriched the marriages of two million couples around the world. Start planning today to attend a Weekend as soon as possible. You deserve this.

YOU’VE ALREADY ATTENDED AN ENCOUNTER WEEKEND?

How do I find out where Encountered Community Meetings/dialogue support groups are in my area?

Please note that District I consists of all states in the Eastern Time Zone of the USA, plus Ontario in Canada. Whether you call them encountered community meetings, dialogue support groups, circles, spirals, flames or whatever, they are probably the same – a small group of encountered couples who desire to meet regularly to provide mutual support for living an encountered lifestyle. On this site, circles are listed here first by country, then by state, and then alphabetically by general geographic area of that group.

If you live in one of these states and do not see contact information that is convenient for you, please don’t hesitate to contact District Lay Contact Couple Steve and Sue Rufe.

Don’t forget, you are now part of the encountered community, which is a worldwide family, so if you cannot find a Lutheran M. E.-sponsored group, you would be very welcomed to join a group sponsored by any one of the other expressions of Marriage Encounter. The Christiansens may be able to help you find those groups too – just contact them!

Click here to open Sharing group directory for District One

Where can I find out how to start an encountered community group?

Regardless of what you call it, living your encountered lifestyle (maybe should call it what it is, a “love style”) will be much much easier to do if you associate with couples who share your values and desire to grow more deeply in love with each other year after year. And rather than simply associating socially, why not create a small group of couples who will provide mutual support for dialogue?

If you can find 4 – 7 encountered couples in your area, this is ideal. They can be couples of any faith expression, so long as they have each experienced a Marriage Encounter Weekend. You may even find that there is already a dialogue support group in your area that would be happy to include you.

As with everything in Marriage Encounter, a personal invitation to join you in your home would probably have the best results. And be persistent – sometimes it takes months before a new group can become a cohesive, regular venture.

Here is a typical schedule for a regular meeting, whether you choose to meet monthly, twice a month, or once every other month:

7:15 Gather & socialize
7:30 Icebreaker or “how are you?” time
7:45 Simple Presentation by a couple

(This could be as simple as playing one of your favorite love songs, or reading an article about some aspect of marriage. The important part is to include a reflection on how you have been affected by song, poem, etc – what impact has it had on your relationship? How do you feel? Create a dialogue question out of this presentation.)

8:10 10 & 10
8:30 Open Sharing (develop one or two questions from the presentation and dialogue)
9:00 Business – Like, when is the next M.E. Weekend?
9:15 Food & fellowship

We have found it helpful to try to settle on one consistent schedule, like the 2nd Saturday of every month, and meet regardless of who can attend. Scheduling far ahead is key, as is asking interested couples to rotate the “hosting” of the meeting in their homes or churches. They could provide the snacks, or at least the drinks if you prefer to ask everyone to “bring a snack to share.” Another couple could volunteer to lead the presentation, or the host could do that too. The important thing is to share the load. Everyone has a story to tell – one doesn’t need “experts” to lead a circle of lovers.

What resources are available to support us on our continuing marriage journey, especially in our new encountered “love style?”
There are many resources on the Lutheran Marriage Encounter Web site that can help you in this venture. In fact, when you are first starting a community group, you and your couples might find it much easier to avoid the pattern of using prepared presentations for your first few months. Go with a series of gentle sharing questions that allow you to develop friendships and a deepening relationship with these couples. Sometimes you will hear these meetings referred to as “Spirals,” as relationships spiral deeper and deeper over the months.

Here is how to find Circle resources on the LME Web site:

• Go to: www.ilme.org
• Click on: “Resources for couples who have been on a Marriage Encounter Weekend”
• Click on: “ILME Post-Weekend Material”
• Click on: “Download Some Documents, Get Dialogue Helps”
• Put in user name: ILME Couples
• Put in password: 1010
• Click on “next” at the bottom of the first couple of pages until you get to a section called: “Talk Series—Designed to be Given Consecutively”
• A good one to start with is “Help in Starting a Love Circle.” Print it out, and it will guide you through the first 6 sessions. These can be done once a month, or if you want a concentrated start, you could hold sessions once a week and then go to once a month following the first six sessions. These first 6 sessions are very gentle discussion questions that allow a small group to get to know each other more deeply at each gathering, so that loving friendships are formed. Then there is a never-ending source of resources to keep going.
• An option for continuation is the series in this same section called “A Time to Grow—Love Circle Talks.”
• There are lots of good presenting materials in this section and also the section just above this one called “Talk—Community Talks as a Post Weekend Resource.” In this section, the one called “Talk Outlines for Love Circles/Love Spirals” gives great outlines for 11 sessions.

We believe that you will find being a part of a circle to be a wonderful way to keep your relationship a priority as well as get to meet and know better some great couples with similar goals and values.

If you have any questions, please contact one of your presenting couples from your Weekend, or contact the North American Region of ILME Resource Couple, Duffy & Nan Guthrie, 440/599-9090 or nguthrie@suite224.net

We hope that you will also be in touch with the local leaders of Lutheran Marriage Encounter closest to you in District I. For that information, contact Kevin and Raye Guynn. They are eager to help you continue your Marriage Journey.

Remember, a wedding is a day – a marriage is a lifetime!